So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
