I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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