M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
