does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
