i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
