R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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