I skipped work to stalk him.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
