...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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