Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
