Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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