so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
