i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
