Nicole vs. Life
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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