ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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