just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
be right there i have to get my cape
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
