I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
