Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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