$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
