I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
