Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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