Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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