i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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