i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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