everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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