Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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