Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
