So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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