I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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