This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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