great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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