why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
