I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
