Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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