one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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