We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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