I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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