READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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