No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
