your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
