Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
