im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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