Your tits are I can't wait for
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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