she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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