He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
