If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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