Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
