she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize