garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
