Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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