A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I FOUND THE LEGS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
