He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The air was thick with penises
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have aggressive nipples.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
