Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
