He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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