she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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