Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
