He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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