where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
