She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
