Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
