hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
