okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
