Dude my mom stole all your condoms
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize