I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
