Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
