How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
