thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize