Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So much Jack, so little girl.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
