I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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