bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
