1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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