all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
