y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
