Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
