I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
